Technically, I am not dyslexic. I have no learning disability that I am aware of. I've always known that I have struggle with language, and I suppose up until now, the knowledge of that struggle has held me back from trying to learn. Several years ago, I took an Italian class in preparation for a trip to Italy. It was an adult education class, met once a week with several other people, and I learned virtually nothing while in it. I really didn't think much of it at the time, figuring I'd find a way to get by, which I always have done.
Well, this is different. I'm now about 4 weeks into 10-15 hours a week of language in a small group of 4 people with one instructor, and I am completely lost. Everyone has said something along the lines of "oh, it will come", or "it will suddenly fall into place", and mostly "don't worry, you'll be fine". Well, to address those three in particular, I wish to share these thoughts.
"Oh, it will come". Uh, no - I'm afraid it won't. I had a realization yesterday when my teacher asked me something in Fijian and I saw her reaction to the glassy-eyed look that was creeping onto my face. ALL OF THE WORDS SOUND THE SAME TO ME! It's actually worse now than it was a week ago. There's a similarity to so many words, and differentiation isn't happening for me at the moment.
"It will suddenly fall into place". No, it won't. I have had to take and pass the series 7 securities exam twice in my life. There is a large section in that exam that has to do with options. It's all formulaic and often you will hear people say "it will suddenly fall into place", and it actually does - BECAUSE IT'S FORMULAIC. There is no rhyme or reason to Fijian language.
If Fiji doesn't have a word, they bastardize and Italianize it (no, not italicize - Italian-ize). For instance, there was no word for "Monday", so the word for monday is Moniti. Dollar is Dola. Cake is keke (maybe they soccer-star-ize it?). And there are many words (like half of them?) that begin with "vaka", but there are no rules as to why they begin with that prefix. Vaka in and of itself, doesn't mean anything. Vaka doen't lend a clue as to where the word is going. So, for me, it's like trying to learn a language completely from scratch with no frame of reference. The way my brain works is I need something to build from, and learning Fijian is like trying to build a foundation on a bottomless well - I just keep slipping deeper into the abyss.
Then, just to confuse people like me who know a very little of Italian, "dua" is the number one.
Seriously, my brain does lots of things really well. I'm good at seeing systems in a big picture perspective and then translating for others. I'm good at solving problems. In my grandiose dreams, I liken myself to Mr. Wolff from Pulp Fiction ("my name is Mr. Wolff - I solve problems"). Blah, blah, blah. I SUCK at language. I do believe that different peoples brains process language differently. For me, the only way I can explain it is to say I need it (language) to stick to something - some sort of corresponding translation. It's like there is a component missing in my brain. I can do all of the exercises in class. I can read whatever is put in front of me. I can enunciate the words fine. But virtually nothing sticks. Some vocabulary is sticking over time, but then putting it into context is almost impossible for me. If someone speaks to me in Fijian, my brain locks up. It is incredibly demoralizing.
We learned an interesting thing this week which is that they've never had Fijian language textbooks. There's only one Fijian-English dictionary in print. Rosetta Stone probably isn't on her way to the islands to create a course for us. This is due in part to the large variance in dialects among the islands. They just don't print very many books in Fijian language. In one of my conversations with the Chief, she commented (lamented, actually) on the fact that so few Fijians read books for enjoyment. All cultural knowledge is passed down verbally in stories and song. But no written word. I suspect (but don't actually know) that one of the reasons that Fiji went to English as the official language was because of the (relative) consistency of the language, and the ready availability of textbooks, along with the geographic proximity to New Zealand and Australia - and of course the long-standing relationship with England.
Anyway, I now completely understand why people who are dyslexic quit school. Everyone wants to tell me I'll pick up the language, it will come, don't worry, etc. And it leads to subtle destruction of self-confidence and makes it so that I don't want to come to class anymore. I try many different ways to communicate that it's not getting better - in fact it's getting worse and people - with their hearts in the right place and with the best of intentions - repeatedly tell me I'm wrong. At my age I recognize things I do well and things I don't do well. So it's pretty clear to me. If I were a kid with any kind of learning disability and people did not listen to what I was saying - if they continually minimized the problem and told me I would be fine, while all I did was fall farther and farther behind - well, I'd try anything to escape that hell.
This has been very informative in that regard.
Which leads me to . . .
"Don't worry, you'll be fine". Yes, I will. Pretty much everyone speaks English. I have forged incredible relationships in a very short period of time. The chief has invited me to stop by her home anytime I please to discuss whatever business I would like. She is extremely well-read and has a very dry sense of humor. Our village will be hosting all of the PCV's in our class along with their host families on the 26th of June, all at her invite. I was invited to participate in the opening Yagona ceremony of Rewa Days this past weekend - that invite being quite an honor from what I'm told. We (total of 11 PCV's) then performed a "meke" or dance.
A side note about dance. Pretty much everyone in Fiji loves to dance and sing. Every Saturday night in our village, we go to one of the PCV's host family's house for dinner and then this quartet shows up with a "lali" (drum) and they sing for about 3 hours while everyone dances. It is remarkable and wonderful and very fun. Traditional dance is a large part of any formal celebration or festival. So Rewa Days, which is a festival for the Rewa province (which our chief is the head of) happens every June, and the opening ceremony was one I sat in. And it was quite the honor.
So, back to our meke. Somehow, we got roped into doing a meke. We had no idea what we were getting into. We thought we were going to dance for the volunteers or something like that. Turns out that we were going to dance on the opening day of Rewa day for the chief and all of the villages present for the celebration (maybe a thousand people?). The men and the women dance separately, and each of us did a dance that lasted about 10 minutes (see the link!). We were a HUGE hit. Evidently, we performed this dance much better than most Fijians do in their first crack at it. Days later, strangers on the bus would look at me and laugh and say "meke - Vinaka!" (dance, very good!).
There was a newspaper story on page 3 of the Fiji Times featuring us with a closeup of one of the women during the dance. I think if one wants to endear oneself into a culture, the fastest way is through traditional dance.
Anyway, here are the links (in the men's, I'm the second from the right):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLRMET98zd8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PwIhiw2mrw8
More soon, as site announcements are coming.
Write back! I love hearing from people :-)
Matthew
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